So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
