whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
bring money and cleavage
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
