I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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