Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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