After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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