She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
