Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
