why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
