decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
