uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just googled if crying burns calories
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
