I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
