I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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