Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
