Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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