Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
