Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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