She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
