Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize