I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
