Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
