This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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