yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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