M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
