May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
