We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There r osticjed everywhere
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
