The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
