Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
