Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
