fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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