I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize