I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Who died my cat blue again?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
