Kareoke will never be a sober sport
operation harelip BJ is a go
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
