im holly from the hills drunk
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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