wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize