i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
