I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
