this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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