sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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