i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
