note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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