Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
