then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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