she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
