I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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