If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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