apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
