im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
