I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
