On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
