I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I touched a dick in church today
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
