...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
