he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
