Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
