I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
