Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dignity is for republicans.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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