My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
