just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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