so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize