He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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