i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Randomize
