New invention idea: vibrating tampons
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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