I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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