Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
