How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
