Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
