just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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