In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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