I was born with a shot glass in my hand
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
