I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
